Finally – you’ve become the proud owner of somebody else’s sloppy seconds. A used car. You did everything right – you reviewed a car history report, had a mechanic check it out, and even replaced the worn-out belts and bushings (huh?). What more do you have to do before you can truly embrace your new-to-you automobile?

1. Smash a bottle of bubbly

Ships are often welcomed into the sea with a bottle of champagne smashed across their bow. So too must your new four-wheeler greet the asphalt – in a shower of broken glass and alcohol that portends good things to come. Take a bottle of champagne and smash it across your front fender until something (you, the bottle, your fender) gives way. There you go! Now you can really drive.

2. Change the cabin air filter

Well, first you should ask whether it’s been changed recently. If not, change it and you’ll feel a huge difference in the air you breathe in your car. This is especially important in the summer when you’ll be putting the AC on full blast. If the air enters your cabin through a dirty filter, your whole car will smell like your ass after driving through the hot summer sun for eight hours on black leather seats. Nobody deserves that, least of all you.

3. Mark your territory

Sure, you can do this the same way dogs do – it’s your car, after all – but that’s not what we meant. If it has a navigation system, enter everything – your home, your office, your mistress, your parents, your church, your summer house, and everywhere else you love driving.  Wherever life’s dark roads might take you, it’ll always be easy to make your way back to [please select your destination].

4. Link your car with your phone

If it’s got Bluetooth, then… Bluetooth(?) it. If not, then get the appropriate two-way audio cable. The moment your car and phone first meet is like the passionate embrace of your first true love… Like the loving smile of an innocent babe… Like the first time you really broke the speed limit… You get the idea.

5. Grease the door hinges

Your second-hand car’s ability to open and close its doors is usually a severely underrated feature. It’s as miraculous as a fully functional engine! Unfortunately, we usually only remember to do this when our doors start to squeal like a kid at the dentist after you huffed up all the funny gas and did leave any for the poor sucker. Don’t wait to grease your door hinges. You’re better off with a graphite-based grease rather than WD40, which is basically grease’s arch-nemesis.

6. Get starter cables

Your car battery is one of the most likely parts to betray you. It’ll serve you quietly and loyally until you leave your girlfriend in the car in the supermarket parking lot while you get a few beers for the picnic. Then, suddenly – the battery’s dead. You left the music and AC and the lights on. Shit happens. But the dumbass cherry on top is that you don’t have starter cables. Now you’re trying to push the car, but you can’t because you’re out of shape. Then, a friendly bodybuilder passerby stops to help you out. Five days later, your girlfriend dumps you over SMS. Six days later, you see her at the supermarket with the bodybuilder who pushed the car when you couldn’t. His hand is on her ass and she’s biting her lip, smiling. She doesn’t see you because she’s looking at him. As you peek out from the corner of the liquor aisle, she looks more beautiful than ever before. Get starter cables so you don’t get cucked by a random guy at the supermarket.

7. Get the must-have stuff your car needs

Battery cables are just one of the things your car needs to have. Check out our blog post about must-have stuff on the carVertical blog and get all of it.

That’s that – you can drive gloriously into the sunset! Or you can gloat a bit more by looking at the specs on our VIN decoder. Your car – your choice!